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I am so sick of everything and everyone.
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I have never been loved whole heartedly and I’m in my 20’s
It’s difficult because I am highly independent and dislike needy people. I am confident and strong. I’ve never needed any body to solve my problems or hold my hand and I still don’t.
If it weren’t for the human condition to yearn for belonging/compassion/love from others then I’d be the happiest person on earth. Because I am good. I have plenty of people in my life who are great and I love spending time with them and being close to them.
But there is no one who has had access in to my heart, there has been no one to request it.
And as time goes on, the less I believe there will be some one. I am pretty unique, the rarer you are the harder it becomes to find a person who can relate to you.
Since the age of 8 and above I have yearned for some one, any one, to love me whole heartedly and for me to love and care for back; I didn’t yearn for this person to be romantically interested in me. It’s not important. Just love, was. Whether it be a friend or family member or a nice family who wanted to befriend me and include me in their family. Or a partner/boyfriend. I would of taken any thing.
Until a couple of years ago in therapy I had an epiphany and realised these people were giving me the most they ever would and though I cared for them more than they did for me, I would never receive that back. Because it’s not something you can buy.
I was just the strong girl who’s problems intimidated others, who appeared too together and who was compassionate enough to become every body else’s personal therapist.
I’ve never believed in happily ever afters, and I do not believe in ever lasting love.
I just wish I could banish this feeling that makes me feel like shit most days of my life.
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(Source: paisleythefriendlyghost)
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"The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved"
Mother Teresa
(Source: chronicles-of-a-diseased-mind)
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(Source: lindseyhubbs)
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(Source: bleedinginmyheart)
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It’s so hard being alone.
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Yeah.
I’m sick of school and how it makes me feel like I’m under achieving, if I’m not ticking each check-box of it’s narrow minded hierarchy and policies.
I do not appreciate art or the life of an artist in the way that I used to… or perhaps it’s the more I learn, the less I can respect these people and understand the arguments for the justification of their life’s work.
Fuck Ulysses, fuck Joyce, fuck Woolf, fuck Dickens. Fuck the classics. Fuck Ansel Adams and his painting with light. Fuck all of them that top topped themselves, fuck Alexander McQueen. Fuck the guy from SmArt. Fuck Picasso and Duchamp.
Fuck the men who think they are superior, who think they run the world of art and end up ruining it for many others. Fuck the inexperienced ones who think they are ready established artists before living more than twenty years of life and/or before finishing fucking art school.
Fuck the pretentious pricks and arrogant idiots.
I started life with a yearning to be cultured; now I don’t know what the fuck to yearn.
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(via stupidtrashtalks)
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too right
(via mcmcys)
